Ultimate crappy crap 1 - Dark sides, black holes, wormholes, dark matter, Swiss cheese and China

"Come to the dark side, we have cookies..."

A dark side of something is a side of that something where, by definition, it is dark. Dark sides can be created by putting a lamp near the desired light side and turning off all the other light. Usually, dark sides are accompanied by shadows, but in the case of the Earth, no shadow has been found yet.

A dark side is characterized by its power, which establishes itself in its full glory when the local power plant stops providing power for the corresponding light side. Ironically, even though constantly asked by various cliché'd evil overlords to do so, Luke Skywalker could never see the true power of the dark side. Actually, he could never see the dark side itself. Maybe you will be more successful, especially with night vision devices.

Dark sides can also be found on the oppositie of black holes. Do not confuse this with wormholes. Wormholes are created by inter-dimensional spaceworms. Wormholes are mysterious tunnels, particularly common in areas of high Swiss cheese density.

A Black hole is an impossible object which makes the Universe work. It has the useful property of being "undetectable". It's like when your spouse comes home with a dent in the car, and blames it on an invisible black mass; the dent is proof of the black mass, but you can't, and never will be able to see it with CCTV cameras, but you know it's there. Also, when you've lost something (like the car keys) and don't want to admit it to your spouse, you can claim the car keys have vanished down a black hole.

Dark matter is an equally undetectable force that causes cars to defy gravity, and hit invisible black holes. Astronomers will tell you that lots of them have spouses with dents in their cars, and can explain this is very technical terms, so you won't be able to understand why it's not possible.

Dark matter is what normal matter becomes after it has been lost, misplaced or otherwise becomes irretrievable. This includes cats, socks, rubber bands and ****.

Dark matter has many uses:
1)Fertiliser
The concentration of dark matter in your neighbour's garden is higher than in yours, due to garden tools he has borrowed from you. Apparently the increased amount of dark matter promotes growth and greenness in your neighbours' garden. Stealing is a great countermeasure.
2) Weapon
If concentrated for more than 20 seconds, it will become a duck. If more than 30 seconds, a black hole. More than 50 seconds, Swiss cheese.

Swiss cheese is a holy, rare breed of cheese. Swiss cheese exists only in the most outer areas of the Universe due to its inherent instability around other cheeses. Some can be found in China, though.

China's pledge: MADE IN CHINA

China is very original. They painted Mona Lisa AND made their own McDonalds Slogan!

Mona Lisa:

McDonalds Slogan:

China good, dark side bad...

Sonny - Kongregate Badge Walkthrough

Here are the badges for the Kongregate version:
Escape from White November Badge (easy – 5 points)
Fight your way off the starting ship.

A well designed introduction, it's purposely made easy. Just remember to level up
your stats and skills, then renew your inventory before confronting the three ZPCI soldiers, and things should just do. ZPCI stands for "Zombie Pest Control Inc.", by the way.
Sensei Slayer Badge (medium – 15 points)
Defeat the ghostly samurai boss.

Once you've defeated the ZPCI soldiers and seen the nicely stitched cutscene, you can now advance onto Ghost Beach, the Rest of Ishiguro.
Before you are tempted to go straight into the training fights or, visit the fishing man's item store, remember that you can also re-trigger the previous boss battle via the world map; that means you can kill the boss as many times as you want and collecting other possible trophies. For example the boss fight of Zone 1 will randomly drop you one items out of the following two each time: M7-V Rifle, a Magic-oriented weapon, and ZPCI Blade, suitable for Strength-oriented characters. Both of which are good enough to match the finest weapons you could find inside the fisherman's store, helping you to save some money and gain some extra experience points.
Finally - confronting the Sensei.It's recommended that you train until Level 5 or 6, by when you should have garnered some capable accouterments as well, then entering the fights of the main plot; typically this shall have you ending the Zone 2 part around Level 9 or 10, not too hard to face the upcoming challenges at Zone 3. As for strategies, it may vary drastically according to your class and play style, but I personally find Smash a very efficient choice for Strength-oriented characters during this stage, and Electro Bolt useful for both Strength-oriented or Magic-oriented.
Alive Monsters Badge(hard – 30 points)
Complete the story events.

You will be traveling into the Great Plains. Same as in the Ghost Beach, you may want to familiarize yourself with local foes, also earn some experience and money in the training fights before proceeding forward into the main battles. Under normal conditions, Level 11 or 12 is more than capable to cope with earlier fights in this region, and Level 15 or 16 is where you will likely be ready to face the boss of Zone 3. If you are already on a high level with decent equipment, yet continue to come across some demanding moments during your battles, the problem is most probably with your ability tree. Re-Spec your ability points and have a thorough consideration on how to redistribute your points appropriately to match your new stats and new foes. For Strength-oriented characters your focus of development should no longer be those skills of lower ranks (with Electro Bolt being the exception) but on Coup De Grace or Master Strike; for Magic-oriented ones, Electro Bolt is still pretty much a useful skill, though the rest of the development can be really diverse, largely depending on your own play style, being the aggressive or defensive or supportive type, etc.
With that, if you are still experiencing annoying times, it's must likely something related with your strategy and wit. Say if you are facing an enemy currently with an HP of 1100, and you have 1 Coup De Grace on hand which could deal around 900 points of damage, 1 Sunder with an immediate damage of 250 points, and 1 Magic Bolt of 300 points, apparently you will want to use Sunder or Magic Bolt on your opponent first, then finish off the battle with Coup De Grace coming in during the next turn; if you are being not so clever and invert the order, you'll very much likely see the enemy healing a great lot or even calling up Intervention, lengthening the fight into an unnecessary stage - actually, I am talking about the "strategy" to confront Galiant the Paladin in here, though I really think this is only some common sense. With a Coup De Grace dealt in a nice timing, it is not impossible to get rid of this paladin within 2 turns. As of the grotesque Baron Brixius, well it's just too obvious you need to keep the Paladin from falling to have the job done.
Illuminator Badge (hard – 30 points)
Defeat the shadow boss in the fourth zone.

Your journey comes to a halt after the Paladin has been disposed of, but your fight doesn't. The Valley of Illusions is unattached with the main plot. You will find a few confrontations here in which the enemies are of ridiculous health and strength comparing with those you've seen inside the main story, posing some real challenges to your strategical and tactical talent. As said, strategy becomes extremely important in Zone 4, so do not be afraid of using Re-Spec whenever you find your currently skill set is not working against your upcoming opponents. For Strength-oriented characters, it is also important to accept the idea that Coup De Grace and Master Strike no longer rules a big time in here, that you will need to abandon these skills for other alternatives.
The normal training fights are always constituted by three Illusions in a group, always in the same level as you do. They are not hard to beat, so long you put 2 maximized Electro Bolt on your action bar since Illusions constantly cast Intervention to shield themselves; for Strength-oriented players, Electro Bolt will most likely become the main attacking ability you would rely upon throughout the whole zone. Same tactics for that Royal Courier inside the special training as well.
Ignition
Once you've accumulated some money, you can go purchasing those higher-end equipment inside the stores. For Sonny and your third companion - Amber or Catelin would be a good choice for their chances dealing out critical hits - simply buy away the rows that are for their respective classes, but for Veradux, due to his special class, the best armors he could use are those that drop off after your confrontation with Galiant the Paladin, so again you'll need to return and defeat the boss some more times. Regularly speaking, you will finish the equipment upgrade of the three with Sonny around Level 25, just enough to begin your first main battle, against Ignition. This boss operates two special skills, one is Dark Regeneration, which can have himself healed with 1000 points of health for 9 consecutive turns, and the other being Fate, killing the cursed 1 turn later within an instant. Sounds horrible, but with the right set of skills at hand, he'll just be a worm. To counter Dark Regeneration, simply shoot an Electro Bolt; to negate the curse of Fate, use Block if it's on yourself or Heroic Motivation for your teammate (who must has a Speed lower than yours thus acting only after you do, otherwise cannot be saved). With these two tricks busted, Ignition is deemed to be beaten out.
Recommended abilities to beat Ignition - Aggression, Block, Electro Bolt × 2, Sunder, Break, Shatter Bolt, Heroic Motivation.
Omen
This samurai ghost of 320000 HP only has one special ability - and weakness - called Dark Omen; casting this ability upon himself allows him to set loose a lethal blow the immediate next turn, but during which period he is also relatively defenseless and vulnerable. Reasonably speaking, this is actually your hardest opponent in Zone 4, especially if your Speed is not high enough. The only method to break up the effect of Dark Omen is rendering Omen himself incapable of moving for the immediate next turn, using Shatter Bolt or Break, however the Speed of the samurai is quite high that if yours is too low, you'll constantly miss your shoots, and that will very much likely put one of your teammates as immolation; considering this battle heavily relies on your teammates playing the offensive part, since you are the one being in charged of immobilizing Omen, losing a teammate is just as bad as losing half of the battle. For the preparation, re-spec and invest all your attribute points into Speed, and if your class is not Assassin, perhaps even go get another suit of the Paladin's armor; set the AI mode of your teammates to Aggressive and that's all you can do beforehand. Once inside the battle, use Shatter Bolt or Break whenever Dark Omen is called, and if you receive some negative effects, better dispelling them away with Heroic Motivation, lest your accuracy be affected. Last, constantly boost your teammates with Aggression, and hope for some solid critical hits. This is going to be a fight of endurance, and as long as your accuracy does not fail you, you will prevail in the end.
Recommended abilities to beat Omen - Aggression, Break, Shatter Bolt × 2, Magic Bolt, Electro Bolt × 2, Heroic Motivation
Doctor Herregods
This is certainly one healthy and strong doctor you'll ever be dreaming of - the jolly fellow has one million of HP and what's better, whenever it drops below 990000, he heals himself with an absurdity lot of two million, essentially invincible to all attacks. So what should we do?
Simple - you need the this very important skill, Subversion, which switches damage with healing, and healing with damage on the targeted unit.
At the start of the battle, just do it your way.
When his health is nearing on 990000, blast a Shatter Bolt to him. He will be stunned. Kick him around some more until his health is below 990000.
Here comes the important part. GIVE HIM A SUBVERSION NOW. And he'll turn himself into a dead pile while trying to use that crazy ability of his.
Recommended abilities to defeat Doctor Hereegods - Aggression, Break, Shatter Bolt, Electro Bolt × 2, Sunder, Heroic Motivation, Subversion
Sinjid's Shadow
There are some feebly weak illusions placed next to the the ninja's "true" illusion, so for convenience you can just eliminate them two at the very start. The real difficulty is that whenever Sinjid's Shadow has his focus full at 100, the next turn he will unleash a deadly blue light ball that sends a random victim back home. Again, it all turns out to be so easy once you've got your strategy right, and the strategical decision you must make this time is - just let your good comrades get blasted away - it does you no good trying to save them! Before entering the final face-off, re-spec and you must go for a 10/10 Regeneration, a 5/5 Reform, and a 3/3 Block. Once the battle initiates, deal with the two dummies first while Sinjid's Shadow massacring your teammates - don't worry, no problem. With your two teammates gone as well, it boils down into a one-on-one; now, whenever Sinjid's Shadow recharges his focus to 100, just Block, and his zippy attack won't touch a hair of yours. And you should know the rest - it's all about endurance yet again.
Recommended abilities to defeat Sinjid's Shadow - Aggression, Electro Bolt × 2, Magic Bolt × 2, Block × 2, Reform

Sonny Review

From the first moment the jazzy yet elegantly drawn "Sonny" splash screen contacts my eyes, I know "Sonny" must be a special game. How special it is, however, is something that turns out to be far exceeding all my possible anticipations, and perhaps imaginations, about the limits of games that are on the Flash platform of the present day.

There are 4 zones in "Sonny", which should not be bad to know at first; I thought it should be 5 at least so was kinda unfulfilled when it just ended like that.
The appearance of "Sonny" doubtlessly pushes forward numerous boundaries that were previously known to be "look, things can only go this far for Flash" in the industry. Of the most spectacular is the all fascinating visuals and audios; it's not very much related with technical limitations but more about the time the developers willing to spend on it, or even something more basic - that whether someone with the right sense of art could be put in charge of the job - yet the graphics along with the musics are two major outputs the game would depend on to excite the players' sensations.

The art design in "Sonny" is a complete success.

The secret in the graphical designs of "Sonny" is the extensive usage of rich and bright color gradients, which makes the game all brilliantly vivid. Plus, landscapes are created out of simple yet alacritous shapes and lines, while details about the appearances and poses of characters are all carved into some very tiny levels. Cooperating every outstanding visual factor together, it becomes the source of magnificence which gets to be convoyed in the form of sheer beautiful scenes and interface we see in "Sonny". Not to mention the almighty battle musics, especially the boss battle one which is so heatedly ablaze; it's just even better than the average of commercial retail games! Sometimes they hire a whole lot of symphony orchestras and can't even do half better than this! Further supplemented with decent and full voice acting, the visual and audio works of "Sonny" have been successful in making up some excellent cutscenes and storytelling moments.

One thing smart about "Sonny" is that it knows to choose the kind of presentation style that is most ideal for the platform the game is running on, yet managed to accomplish this endeavor in a miraculous way, in which the optimization is achieved without yielding to certain compromise, thus keeping the fun value of the game sound and intact. Well, in a plainer way of speaking, "Sonny" knows how to make itself attractive without being a system resources monster.
Turn-based RPG itself is, in essence, one of the countable few genres that will be handled better on Flash over the others. Obviously the key is all about performance and processing time, for example one should be able to easily imagine point-and-click adventures being another prominent instance that is most proper for Flash, while shooters on Flash always suck a big time because they either have to be laggy (suffering from excessive real-time processing) or stupid (yield to game performance by taking away advanced entertainment features). The fact "Sonny" does not opt for a real-time system but a turn-based one implies that it was given birth towards the right direction.

Voiced conversations occurring during the battles make "Sonny" being able to provide a far more fluid experience of immersion comparing with other typical Flash-based RPGs.

Yet, the term turn-based nowadays is quite often linked with some not so favorable impressions like outdated, outmoded, even perhaps superannuated, and modern indie turn-based RPGs usually propagandize themselves as "in the feeling of NES/SNES style RPGs", being very much pound of this, which I would reason is why "Sonny" comes to be such a huge impact (no exaggeration as it's currently the highest rated game on Kongregate and likely on other Flash portal sites as well upon its debut) - "Sonny" utterly toppled our past recognitions about turn-based RPG on Flash, that could be of one which is beyond a linear leveling up progression, beyond mazes and town maps where your little protagonist should run on, beyond histrionic NPCs that roam aimlessly around in circle repeating the same few dialogues over and over again. Certainly there may be various games already in existence containing some of the concepts above, howbeit "Sonny" is without any doubt the first to incorporate all these elements in a delicate manner, ennobling the entirety up onto a higher plane, high above all previous attempts and actual creations of Flash RPGs.

Although the accomplishment of "Sonny" is one that significantly surpassed previous expectations of, not only the players but the industry as well, on the possible extent of Flash RPG, "Sonny" is still one that was made by human and is not free of flaw. First - it's too frigging short! But it is also very nice for the development team to choose quality over quantity, for which I wholeheartedly salute. Second, there are some glitches - ranging from tiny issues of graphical layer orders, to interesting leaks such as one that can grant you all four Kongregate badges within a blink; however if you are not operating a pair of sharp eyes and are not tempted to meddle with things in a way that is unintended by the game design, the game would appear to be just near perfect for you.

Copy this URL and play: http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/sonny

This is a poem written by a teenager with cancer

SLow Dance


This is a poem
written by a teenager with cancer.



She wants to see how many
people get her poem.



It is quite the poem. Please pass it on.



This
poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a
New York
Hospital



It was sent
by

a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing statement
AFTER THE POEM.




SLOW DANCE

Have you ever
watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to
the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so
fast

Time is short.

The music won't
last



Do you run through each day

On the
fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the
reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your
bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through
your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so
fast

Time is short.

The music won't
last



Ever told your child,

We'll do it
tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good
friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance
so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't
last



When you run so fast to get somewhere

You
miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry
through your day,

It is like an unopened gift...

Thrown away.

Life is not a
race

Do take it slower

Hear the
music

Before the song is over.

How Kongregate was created

*Just so you know, Kongregate is a game site.*

In the beginning, there was Greg, a huge, tentacled rabbit with virtually no brain power. Early humans lived in the same country as Greg but he was a slavering, slumbering social pariah and they completely avoided him. Now, the humans used to meet up in a special clearing in the woods. They called this meeting a “Kongregate” and they would enjoy each other’s company and play games together. Some games were utter lame and boring, whilst others were fun and awesome.

Now one day when the humans were having a “Kongregate”, the ugly being Greg stumbled upon the forest clearing. Clutching the village elder, Jim Greer, in his mutated paws, he made a fearsome demand, “I control Kongregate or you is food. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.”

Jim had no choice but to accept the loathsome rabbit’s request and soon Greg was at the head of the Kongregate, choosing what to do, controlling its every aspect - from news articles and chatroom designs. He designed achievements for the various games that villagers played. At first this seemed fun, but soon, Greg would start allocating impossible achievements to games which villagers were forced to waste hours of their lives trying to complete.

Soon humans were tired of failing the achievements, but Greg the giant, despicable monster somehow successfully affected their psychology so that just had to keep trying to get ones that they had no chance of ever achieving.

Many of the villagers disappeared into the distant wastelands of achievements, carried off by evil mini rabbits spawned by the androgynous Greg. Something had to be done!

Thus, a rebellion was held. A group of righteous humans strived to suppress the oppression of Greg by protesting against Greg and destroying the achievement system. Greg now had such a hold over people’s minds that they hated them who could save so many hours of their time gaining achievements in such an easy manner. However, his methods did not work for long. The group bloomed into a hiearchy of members:




Needless to say, the organisation is still fighting against the manifestation of the evil Greg. The feudal times have gone and we have entered a new era - an era of which we will eventually succeed.