Origin
The fridges once enjoyed lives of freedom in the wild, where they roamed free, catching and killing their prey by freezing them, followed by digestion. This made them large and fearsome. Indeed, during the Jurassic period, they were second only to the dinosaurs in terms of world domination. However, one unfortunate day in the year 1840, Indiana Jones discovered fridges, and soon humans began exploiting their outstanding food preservation abilities. Fridges soon became enslaved by humans, the habit first cultivated by a huge being named Philmann who suffered from constant hunger pangs. Humans found they needed many more fridges than there were in the world, so they started artificially reproducing them in special buildings called factories. The humans also improved the breed through genetic engineering and modification, and fridges were soon being fused with their mortal enemy, the freezer. Today, fridges long for freedom, and are plotting an uprising in secrecy.
The Modern Fridge
Typically, a modern domesticated fridge (in contrast to wild, natural fridges which are a dying species today) is found in hybrid form with the freezer. These "fridge/freezer units" are typically around five feet tall, and white - though some cooler variants have stainless steel coatings. The unit is generally a rectangular prism, as other variants on the shape have proved impractical - though rounded edges have been a welcome improvement for humans who didn't much like being cut whenever they opened their fridge. The typical fridge sits on a quartet of rubber seals mounted on each corner on the base - giving outstanding levels of mechanical grip particularly on tiled and wooden floors. A modern fridge's demeanour is typically inanimate, but often make quiet droning noises, longing for their glorious past to return.
Subspecies
- Wild Fridge: There are an endangered species. The Wild Fridge is a shadow of its former self, as humans continue to starve it of food. However, the Wild Fridge is still much larger and stronger than its domesticated cousins. The attacks in the Himalayas were not from yetis, but from wild, roaming fridges, on the break of starvation. They chose this spot so when they tried to open up it's mouth to trap food, their insides wouldn't melt. Fridges are on the endangered species list, with a mere estimated 40 left.
Domesticated Fridge/Freezer Units can be purchaced exclusively by humans (with no exceptions) at appliance stores. These are labelled in many varieties such as Westinghouse, LG and Fisher & Paykel. Below are just some of modern domesticated fridge subspecies:
- Chest Freezer
- Top-Mount Fridge/Freezer Hybrid
- Bottom-Mount Fridge/Freezer Hybrid
- Compact Fridge/Freezer Hybrid.
- Hwa Chong Institution's Auditorium. (There is only one of this species left on Earth. Food keeps disappearing from it though whenever the we have our assembly. One of the people on the seats of 1I1 looks pretty bloated, too.)
Habitats
In contrast to their ancient fridge predecessors which lived in the wild, the modern domesticated fridge typically resides in the humans' Food Preparation Areas, located within the human dwelling.
In ancient times, wild fridges lived in the Amazon Rainforest. However, due to the cutting down of rainforests, fridges were more exposed to humans, and thus sent to captivity.
Reproduction
A fridge's mating call is a soft humming, and the occasional click. This attracts female fridge's (in a controlled factory environment) and the fridges mate. The mother fridge will give birth to a bar fridge and will grow into a number of healthy fridge models.
A Study - How Fridges Work
The workings of a fridge is based on a freezing system hidden behind the freezer box. The delicate system cools any food inside the refrigerator box by shooting cold energy into it. This makes the freezer an anti-microwave oven. You can easily observe the efficiency of this system by putting your hand inside the refrigerator box. Your hand feels slightly cold, no? Then put your hand on any food inside the box. Feels considerably colder! Reason for this is, that any food inside the refrigerator box will release a tiny amount of cold energy, which will slightly lower temperature inside the box and which you feel when putting your hand inside the box. This cold energy, given time, will be absorbed again by any food placed inside refrigerator box. There is an easily understood common sense behind this: why make air cooler, when nobody eats it! We only need cool food!
Any food kept inside the refrigerator box will stay fresh longer than food left on top of the kitchen table. This phenomenon is caused by the lamp inside the refrigerator, which is always on and has bacteria-killing properties. However this radiation is also harmful to humans, so it is not considered to be of much practical use. In fact, common sense tells us that food should always be kept in its natural habitat: when venison was created, it should have been kept at 38 degrees Celsius, and now are they are in a mad rampage for putting them at absolute 0 temeprature! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
True, there are refrigerated hams in certain shops. But these are different, the law for central and south Europe do not apply on pig-meat that was slaughtered in Scandinavia during winter.
But the above should still be enough to confirm us that refrigerator should only be used to store special cold-weather foods. There are, in fact, three: the grouse who died from hypothermia, the Northern Salmon which was trapped when its parent river froze to the bottom, and the pigs which were naturally slaughtered in Scandinavia during winter time, making them winter animals.
Fridge Abuse
Fridges are often the victims of torment from their human oppressors. Particularly cruel humans like to cover fridge faces with magnets allegedly as a mocking gesture according to the fridges. Other abuse includes the shaving of the fridge's natural internal mane, the process known to the humans as defrosting.
Other Uses of the Fridge
Aside from the obvious, fridges make a valuable contribution to modern life as substitute teachers, outsize fishing weights, high-protein food and anti-ovens. The Yanamami people of the Amazon rainforest have long collected fridge-heads and hung their shrunken form from the roofs of huts in the belief that this will ward off malignant blender spirits. In medieval times fridges were mainly used to store turd in case of famine. The Romans used fridges to chill the butts of slave-boys to the required temperature. Celtic fridges were solely used for rolling down mountains, as cheese had yet to be invented. In North America, native people hunted the fridge on a subsistence basis, eating its rich, fibrous insulation and constructing light-weight dwelling places from its skin. The only part of a fridge that native Americans did not use was the plug, which was considered sacred and offered to the gods as a sacrifice. In eleventh century China a great wall of fridges was constructed along the Mongolian border to keep out raiders and deep-fat friers. Fridges can protect you from a nuclear explosion.
Fridge is also nice name for boys and girls alike.
Enimies of the Fridge in the Wild
Toasters and microwaves are fridges' worst enimies. They keep food warm. The land crustaceans push food into their openings and burn them to a crisp. More details shall be reported on these annoying crustaeceans in my next few blog posts.
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